Under starters orders now -
Stand by your jellies!
Straws up!
They're off!

And Hosepipe Annie's in the lead...
But only half a lick behind is Jack the Gulp.
He's overtaking!
And on the outside Gargling Lil is guzzling
Faster than a blowtorch melting snow.
Wow.  It's neck and neck -
Just watch that jell-o go!

They're in their stride now.
Slurping solid.  Suck and pucker all the way -
Vacuuming that slippy slop
Right up.

Stop!  Stop!  The referee has pulled the plug.
Gargling Lil is gulping down her final glug.
Jack's had it.  Out of it.  The paramedics think it's jelly-shock.
And Annie wins the day!!!!

The crowd goes wild:
Their cry goes up -
Oh, Annie!  You are the nation's favourite child.
Let fanfares blare!  Let fireworks flare!
Let golden flags and banners be unfurled
For Hosepipe Annie -
Jelly-Eating Champion of the World!